Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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