I love black thongs
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
