Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
