When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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