I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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