moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
