he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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