You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
