He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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