Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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