My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
