so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
