I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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