don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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