You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
