At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
