did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
