Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
