Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
ok first of all what the fuck
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
