Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
