If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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