The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
