When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
