I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
