Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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