Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
