Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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