She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
