Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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