he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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