i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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