But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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