I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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