I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize