I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
