And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
