Farmville is her only friend.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
