Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
