Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
