I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
be right there i have to get my cape
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
