Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
