Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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