When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Let's get the cat blown out
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
