Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
