I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
