I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
