apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
