Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
