3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
