Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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