I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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