Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
