Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
