your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
