I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Come share oat with me in your robe
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
