there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
