I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
