You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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