I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
