Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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