Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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