i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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