Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
tell me about the eggs
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