My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
