Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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