HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
