Where is the hickey?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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