the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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