i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
