Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
