i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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