nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize