If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
