I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When did angry sex become our thing?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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