I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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