if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
