All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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