I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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