I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
