I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
